Sunday, 20 November 2011

a novel

Until just some weeks ago, I haven't been able to listen to music, watch movies, or read books. It's enough that there are so many memories triggered by simple things - catching a bus, going to the supermarket, seeing an ad in the paper, a ferry trip. Music and movies and books are designed to evoke emotion, longing, memories, and I honestly haven't been able to face those until recently. I'm still not, truthfully, but I must keep focussing on the life ahead, so of late, I've tried.

I read a novel over the last week or so. So much of it broke my heart.

"This was love. The now and forever kind that up to this point she'd only read or dreamed about, hoping that one day it might happen to her, but with each passing year having less expectation that she would be one of the lucky ones. But, whatever happened now,  her life would never be the same. If she never saw him again she might go on to find happiness or sorrow, but she knew that life would never be complete away from this one man with whom she had fallen so desperately in love."

"She was wondering what he would think if she told him the truth, told him that he was the one man she would ever love. Would he laugh at her? Or be angry or embarassed?"

"To be rejected by him would be unbearable, so it would be better not to try. But not to try, to let her chance for supreme happiness slip through her fingers from fear of failure, would be even more unbearable."

And so you see why I haven't been able to listen to music, watch movies, or read books. Too many reminders of us.

You have my love x

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