Wednesday, 9 November 2011

horribly, horribly embarassed

I'm pretty rattled right now. I've been 'writing to you' at an old email address of yours, which I thought was defunct from when you cancelled your internet. It had the impact of letting me feel like I was talking to you without actually imposing myself - my thoughts and feelings and questions - on you. Except I was, because it turns out you were getting the emails!!!

I can't even work out how you still have the email address. Surely when you cancelled your internet you lost the address? And I can't work out why you'd let me send messages for a whole month - pouring my heart out, saying things I would never say directly to you because you shouldn't be burdened with them - without saying something. You can't have been just deleting them otherwise you wouldn't have responded to one of them. I don't know what your motivation was, but I think maybe you owed it to me to tell me my private thoughts weren't so private.

Anyway, what's done is done. And I'm back here writing in a place that doesn't have quite the same impact on me, but will do. I don't have much to say anymore anyway, it seems. There's only so many times you can go over and over the same old ground. Even I'm getting tired of it.

What an odd two days. *Shrug.

I love you still x

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