Saturday 26 March 2011

another day ...

... and I'm still here. Instead of 95% of my thoughts being invaded and occupied by this loss and this hurt, today it's dropped - thank you God (spirit, universe, thought consciousness, whatever might be out there) - to about 50%. That means 50% of my time can be occupied with other things, important things, normal things, things I need to do and think about just to get through each day. That means I can function. Three days seems quick right? Except it's not three days. The time from when we ended until day one of writing this blog was 120 days. That's 120 days of devastation, confusion, unimaginable grief, which I was so, so desparate to let go of, but simply couldn't manage to no matter what I tried. This blog is a miracle. For a while there I didn't think I wanted to or that I would wake up to a new day. Being finally able to say some of this out loud, reveal my vulnerability, expose the terrible weaknesses of being me, is a testament to my own determination to survive and thrive. Not yet, but soon ...

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