2013

It's just a few hours from 2013. We broke up in 2010. I'm already in the third year of the three years I vowed to wait for you. I managed to NOT contact you on Christmas day. I'm fighting against ALL urges to contact you right now. I love you just as much as the day I first loved you - crazy huh?! Ten months and twenty one days until my time is up.

I wonder what it will take to feel whole again.

I wonder if I'll ever hear from you again.

I wonder if I'll ever love again.

I hope with all my heart that 2013 is a better year ... for both of us.

Happy New Year my love xxx

two years

Tomorrow it's two years since the day we broke up. Two years ago, I knew I'd wait three years for you. A year ago, I thought the hurt would never ease. A year later, it has eased just a little. Maybe in another year I'll feel whole again. Or maybe, if I'm truly blessed, you'll be holding me again.

ever hopeful

I frequently imagine you coming back to me. Sometimes I really consciously think about it, hope for it, allow myself to desire it. Those times it comes true in my mind, I find myself looking into your eyes, tears in mine, asking you - can you love me like you used to? Can you let go of the past and the things that would make you hold back, be wary? Can you give all of yourself? I think being with you, with half the love we had, might be worse than not being with you at all. Maybe.

just a few weeks off two years

Tears. Sadness. Grief. Heartbreak.

forgetting to remember

Those who love you
are not fooled by
mistakes you have
made or dark images
you hold about yourself.
They remember ...
your beauty when
you feel ugly;
your wholeness when
you are broken;
your innocence when
you feel guilty;
and your purpose when
you are confused.

Alan Cohen

{you forgot to remember my love}

not a day goes by

still, that I don't think of you and miss you terribly. I still feel the same love, the same longing, the same regret.

all this time

I've been looking for 'the' song that perfectly and completely captures my grief, and finally I've found it.

Don't You Remember
Adele

When will I see you again
You left with no goodbye
Not a single a word was said
No final kiss to seal any sins
I had no idea of the state we were in

I know I have a fickle heart
And a bitterness and a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head

[chorus]
But don't you remember
Don't you remember
The reason you loved me before
Baby, please remember me once more

When was the last time
You thought of me
Oh have you completely erased me from your memory
I often think about where I went wrong
The more I do the less I knowI know I have a fickle heart
And a bitterness and a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head

[chorus]
But don't you remember
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
Baby, please remember me once more

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

[chorus]
Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
Baby, please remember me once more

When will I see you again